The New Year is moments away and we always have great resolutions for it, but so quickly once we are in that fresh New Year, we let go of them. Why is it so hard to stick to conquering our addictions and changing our ways? So many of us want to quit smoking, drink less, become better men and women to ourselves and our loved ones. How can we stick to what we promise to ourselves at the beginning of the year?
The answer is quite simple: we need to look at the real problem underneath our addictions and bad or unhealthy behaviour and we need to solve that instead of trying to solve the reaction to those deeper feelings. When we address the real problem that causes us to smoke, drink, get mad, or act irresponsibly the addiction that helps us cope with them in the wrong way will vanish without effort! Is it that simple….? Yes it is!
Having spent the last 16 years helping people with their deeper uncovered issues, there are two main general reasons why we resolve to addictions, or to bad and unhealthy behaviour:
- Pain inside
Of course there are many specifications to those two reasons. But in general this is it! When you are honest with yourself and take a moment to sit down and try to understand why you smoke, or why you drink, or why you react angrily and irritated so quickly, the answers usually come up effortlessly. Your true self wants you to deal with your issues, so you can feel happy and free again. Without actually listening to yourself on what really goes on deep inside, we can’t solve our issues and probably won’t solve our addictions or over time revert back to them, or change them for another addiction, whilst adding another trauma to the ones we already had, because when we don’t stick to our resolutions we add ‘failure’ to the list.
We are all so inherently sensitive inside and we all are naturally inclined to want to do and be good, we also all want to be respected and treated well but we have to see that it starts with us, inside of us. When we treat ourselves with respect, we get it back… “what goes around comes around” is a saying that has such truth and meaning. If you knew how much of what we do comes back to us multiplied, there wouldn’t be a hair on your head that would ever want to treat anybody badly, least of all yourself.
So, when you decide this New Year’s eve to quit something, decide to make time for yourself to look at why you once started to smoke, drink, or behave badly. Look at the real issue and cure that! Maybe it was a troubled relationship that left you not knowing what to do or how to solve the problems that made you start smoking. Maybe it was a death in the family, an accident or a failed job that set you off on the wrong track. Very often when we go through a shocking experience that we don’t know how to handle, we revert to what should be a temporary survival measure. That measure, may it be smoking, drinking, anger, feeling closed or withdrawn, lazy, not taking care of yourself or procrastinating, is a temporary solution until we feel ready to deal with the feelings of hurt and fear.
The problem is that we forget to actually deal with those feelings that we couldn’t handle at first. So we stay in our addiction. But deep down we know those feelings are there. And it’s totally ok to not feel equipped to deal with them all by yourself. It’s a winner’s mentality though, to tackle what you know you must and to do it now.
If you keep those unresolved feelings locked up inside, they will become worse and worse and they eventually can lead to illness and to stay stuck makes you look older, stressed and duller then you are. A clean heart and soul, a healthy and supportive mindset, a lifestyle and attitude that supports the real you leads to a radiant and young, beautiful, sexy and shiny appearance. It leads to success.
So this year let your New Year’s resolution also be about getting yourself the right support to conquer those demons inside that make you do what you’d like to stop! It’s better to deal with them now and know that in a few weeks time you will feel happier then you did in the whole of 2014, you will have conquered those addictions, or you are well on your way, and you will have cleared up all that you were holding onto inside.
If you wanted to conquer Mount Everest in 2015, you’d probably hire a coach or some expert that could help you do it. It’s the same with climbing those mountains that hold you hostage inside. With the right support it often only takes a few sessions to have you back on track so you can do it all yourself again. Think about it… and have an amazing, abundant and successful New Year.