Have you ever wondered how much of what you think, do or feel is actually yours? How much energy, ‘good or bad’, do you actually take on board from others and how does this affect you? ….
It is often a real eye-opener that to empower yourself, you have to know all of yourself… not just the convenient bits. You have to spend time with you to know you. You have to make that effort. If you knew all your boundaries, strengths and weaknesses, then you could identify the energies you were taking on from others subconsciously, energy that often leads you away from your real self and goals, much more easily. (In this article I focus on the part that you carry that obstructs you.)
I had known for a while that this was my pattern, that I carried too much of others, but the first time I really recognized how much this affected my daily life, was when my dad had a big car-accident. I had been feeling so disorientated, like I wasn’t in my own body, that morning. When dad called to say he had had a car accident, and that the car was total loss but he was completely fine, I realized I had taken on his ‘car-accident-trauma’. As soon as I mentioned this to him, the shock ebbed away slowly and I came back to myself, and he came back to how he really felt.
Over time I realized that this also was the case when working with clients. A few hours before they would have their consultation I would pick up on their true feelings, which could be anything from deep fear to depression to physical complaints. Often things they were not aware of, had learnt to live with or that they were suppressing. Once I would speak to them about what I had experienced, these feelings would be released from me. The client now was aware of them, which often made it easier to work with. Their lives would change because of this awareness.
I started using this energy pattern more, and saw the same pattern in others. What people find hard to carry by themselves or to deal with, they suppress and by suppressing it we subconsciously ‘pass’ parts on to the people around us. In return they receive something we struggle with. And so a chain of passed on feelings and emotions is being built subconsciously and in this chain we start to loose ourselves, we clutter up. I could see that often this would limit people from moving forward. It would give them a feeling of being stuck in life.
This happens a lot in relationships and in families, we call them the recurring patterns. We struggle without understanding what’s happening… but, what is the gain of this all? Because there always is a gain, even if it is a subconscious one. The gain is that you do not have to be responsible for all of your self, by carrying other people’s stuff… It is a valid ‘excuse’, but not one that serves you best. The most common cause for this subconscious excuse: You were afraid of having to act upon what you know is going on inside. You suppressed it and so you passed it on, in return receiving something back that isn’t yours to carry.
Now this is nature’s way, we exchange things all the time and this is fine. We also exchange love and joy this way. We do not have to change the way life works. All you do need to do is to know how to come back to yourself and to make time for that. When you want to step into all your power and make your dreams come true, accountability is key.
It is my daily work, to show the other person the parts they find hard to see, feel or embrace. Once they do with that little bit of support, it becomes clear why they have taken this pattern on and how to come back to their own self. Often only a few simple techniques are enough to get back on track. Once you know, once it is clear, you can start living your dreams again. Now this benefits you, everybody else and the greater good.